Michigan Cider Mill Season or: How I Learned to Love Standing in Line for Donuts

Yeah, baby, Michigan in the fall—a time when the trees put on their annual striptease, shedding leaves like they're at…nevermind. And speaking of parties, it's the season when Michiganders partake in their favorite tradition: the Great Cider Mill and Apple Orchard Pilgrimage. Yes, that’s right. Throw on a flannel, and pretend that standing in a line as long as I-75 is your idea of fun. There’s also the emotions of flannel and the realization that you wore that thing and it’s still 81 fricken degrees in the sun that early October weekend you trekked out.

The Orchard Crawl Begins

Let’s start with the main attraction: the cider mill. If you’re not spending your weekend time ducking and dodging bees waiting in line for cider and donuts, are you even a Michigander, or Michiganster, or Michiganian, Michi-gethehellouttaherewithotherMichigannicknames. We’re talking cider mills like Yates Cider Mill in Rochester Hills, which, fun fact, has been turning apples into liquid gold since 1863 - we think we read. The line to get cider is basically the length of Michigan Avenue, but the payoff is worth it—especially if you enjoy elbowing a toddler out of the way for the last cinnamon donut. Life lessons start early in Michigan.

Then there’s Franklin Cider Mill, where the smell of fresh donuts is so potent that it could revive the faintest of souls. And bees, we got them, too. And don’t even think about buying just one donut—it’s an unspoken rule that a dozen is the bare minimum, because why else did you even come, loser?

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The Donuts: A Love-Hate-Love-Love Relationship

Let’s be real: Michigan cider mill donuts are the reason we all endure this seasonal chaos. These glorious, deep-fried rings of heaven could perhaps be the unofficial state pastry, and every mill claims theirs are the best.

Take Spicer Orchards in Fenton, for example. Their donuts are so revered that people will literally get up at 7 AM on a Saturday (a time usually reserved for sleep or avoiding responsibilities) to snag a dozen. The trick, however, is to get there before the "Instagram moms" take over, posing their toddlers in front of the apple barrels like they’re auditioning for a catalog that doesn’t exist.

Apples Galore (And Galas, And Honeycrisps)

In the Great Lakes state, it’s not just about the donuts (though we all know that’s a lie). The apple orchards themselves are a big part of the fall experience. Take a stroll through Blake’s Orchard in Armada, where you can pick your own apples while avoiding the occasional wasp attack. Blake’s also boasts a corn maze, because nothing says “fun” like getting lost in a field with nothing but a map and your dwindling sense of direction.

If you’re in the mood for something more off-the-beaten-path, there was always Erwin Orchards in South Lyon - now Blake’s South Lyon. Erwin’s prided itself on being a “u-pick” farm, which is code for “we make you do the work, but you’ll somehow enjoy it because it’s ‘rustic’ and ‘authentic.’” Just remember, if you don’t leave with at least three bags of apples that you have no idea how to use, you’ve done it wrong.

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The Cider: Nectar of the Michigods

Now, let’s talk about the cider. Whether you like it sweet, hard, or somewhere in between, Michigan’s got you covered. Yates Cider Mill offers traditional sweet cider that pairs perfectly with those aforementioned donuts, while Parmenter’s Northville Cider Mill adds a little kick with their hard cider. The latter is especially useful if you need something to numb the sting of having paid $30 for a pumpkin that your kids will carve once and forget about.

Then there’s the debate between cold cider and hot cider, a conversation that can easily devolve into a heated argument among cider aficionados. If you’re at Wiard’s Orchards in Ypsilanti, try both and see which side you fall on. Just don’t get too carried away and start throwing apples at the people who disagree with you—save that for the apple cannons at Alber Orchard in Manchester, where you can launch fruit at targets like you’re auditioning for a medieval reenactment.

The Final Stop: Realizing You’re Too Full to Function

After a day of apple-picking, cider-chugging, and donut-devouring, you’ll likely find yourself in a food coma, questioning your life choices. If you have kids, they’ve had enough…They’re hot, they’re cold, they’re full, they need more, they gotta go to the bathroom, Susie hit me, Billy’s an asshole, Aunt Edna smells, the dog peed on the picnic basket… Anyway, As you roll yourself back to the car, apples tumbling out of overfilled bags and you're youngest kicking them at cars driving by and internally debating whether you have enough energy left to carve that overpriced pumpkin, remember: you’ll be back next weekend.

Why? Because tradition. And in Michigan, we take our autumn rituals seriously. Seriously.

So, embrace the chaos, the extra carbs, and the cider-induced sugar high. After all, nothing says fall in Michigan like a stomachache and a trunk full of apples you may never consume. Now pack those kids into the car and let’s hear some whining!