Wolverines! The Defending National Champs 2024 Predictions!

Aug. 31 vs Fresno State

Fresno State, huh? Michigan’s season opener is about as threatening as a warm-up lap. The Wolverines will swat away the Bulldogs faster than Fresno’s mascot can chew a bone, and the only suspense will be whether anyone remembers the name of Fresno’s quarterback by the end of the game.

Score prediction: Michigan 48, Fresno State 10.

Sept. 7 vs Texas

The Longhorns ride into Ann Arbor, thinking they’ve got a shot. Spoiler alert: they don’t. Texas is still “back” — back to losing. The Wolverines will stampede over them, leaving burnt orange jerseys looking more like burnt toast.

Score prediction: Michigan 35, Texas 17.

Sept. 14 vs Arkansas State

Arkansas State, a team best known for...well, nothing. Michigan will handle this one with the ease of a bye week, as the Red Wolves limp back home wondering why they even bothered.

Score prediction: Michigan 52, Arkansas State 6.

Sept. 21 vs USC

Ah, USC. The Trojans, fresh off a hype train with no brakes. But Michigan will derail that fantasy real quick. Sherrone Moore will outcoach the Trojans, and by the end of the game, USC will wish they’d stayed in the Pac-12 where the competition was, let’s say, more manageable.

Score prediction: Michigan 31, USC 24.

Sept. 28 vs Minnesota

The Golden Gophers come to town in hopes of digging up some points. Spoiler: they won’t. Michigan’s defense will make sure of that, burying the Gophers so deep they’ll be halfway to China by halftime. Row the boat? More like sink the ship.

Score prediction: Michigan 41, Minnesota 13.

Oct. 5 at Washington

A cross-country trip to Washington, where the only thing wetter than Seattle’s weather will be the Huskies' tears. Michigan will steamroll Washington, making sure no one mistakes them for a playoff contender again anytime soon.

Score prediction: Michigan 38, Washington 21.

Oct. 12 – OPEN

Bye week. Sherrone Moore spends it plotting how to keep the Wolverines on the path to greatness and keeping Michigan on top.

Score prediction: Michigan 1, Bye Week 0.

Oct. 19 at Illinois

Illinois is about as intimidating as a puppy in a tutu. Michigan will bulldoze through Champaign, leaving the Fighting Illini with nothing to fight for except the clock running out faster. This one will be over before the marching band finishes its first song.

Score prediction: Michigan 45, Illinois 10.

Oct. 26 vs Michigan State

It’s the annual rivalry game, and Michigan State will arrive in Ann Arbor with a glimmer of hope that this year will be different. It won’t. The Wolverines will dismantle their "little brother," leaving Spartan fans wondering if they can just focus on basketball season.

Score prediction: Michigan 34, Michigan State 20.

Nov. 2 vs Oregon

Oregon’s highlighter-yellow uniforms won’t be enough to distract the Wolverines from tearing them apart. The Ducks might as well fly south early, because Michigan is sending them home with their wings clipped.

Score prediction: Michigan 42, Oregon 24.

Nov. 9 at Indiana

Indiana football: where hope goes to die. Michigan will rack up points faster than the Hoosiers can mismanage their play clock. The only thing memorable about this game will be how quickly Michigan scores.

Score prediction: Michigan 49, Indiana 14.

Nov. 16 – OPEN

Another bye week, where Moore fine-tunes the game plan and Michigan fans breathe easy knowing the real competition is still ahead.

Score prediction: Michigan 1, Bye Week 0.

Nov. 23 vs Northwestern

Northwestern shows up, and Michigan fans barely notice. This game will feel like a scrimmage, with Michigan doing all the heavy lifting. Expect the Wildcats to be outclassed, outcoached, and out of luck before the first quarter even ends.

Score prediction: Michigan 48, Northwestern 9.

Nov. 30 at Ohio State

The game we’ve all been waiting for. Ohio State will come in with their usual bravado, only to be handed another "L" by Moore and company. Michigan wins again, and Buckeye tears flood Columbus for the third year in a row. The Wolverines claim their spot in the playoff, while OSU fans start preparing excuses for the inevitable.

Score prediction: Michigan 28, Ohio State 24.

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