Spartans! Michigan State Spartans 2024 Football Predictions.

Aug 30 vs Florida Atlantic

MSU starts the season by taking on Florida Atlantic—a team better suited for spring break than football. Expect the Spartans to cruise to an easy win while FAU contemplates whether they should just stick to beach volleyball.

MSU 31  -  Fla Atl 10

Sep 7 @ Maryland

Maryland football, where the only thing more inconsistent than their offense is their uniforms. MSU will stomp through the Terrapins, and by the third quarter, Maryland fans will be dreaming of basketball season.

MSU 28  - Buryland 21

Sep 14 vs Prairie View A&M

Playing Prairie View A&M is like scheduling a preseason scrimmage, but hey, a win’s a win. MSU will breeze through this one faster than you can say “what conference are they in again?”

MSU 31  - Pray for them U 10

Sep 21 @ Boston College

Boston College brings us to the land of clam chowder and bad parking. But football? Not so much. MSU will handle the Eagles like a plate of stale Dunkin' Donuts, sending BC back to their academic excellence—and nowhere near football relevance.

MSU 26  - Beantown Catholics 24

Sep 28 vs Ohio State

The mighty Buckeyes roll into town, expecting an easy win. Too bad they forgot that MSU loves playing spoiler. After the Spartans pull off the upset, OSU fans will be searching for conspiracy theories to explain how they lost to a team not named “Michigan.”

MSU 14  - Ohio I hate U 13

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Oct 4 @ Oregon

Oregon’s fashion show of uniforms won’t be enough to distract MSU from running circles around the Ducks. While Oregon's players are too busy adjusting their reflective neon helmets, the Spartans will quietly rack up the points and send the Ducks flying south.

MSU 42  - Ducky from Pretty in Pink 41

Oct 19 vs Iowa

Iowa’s punter is their MVP, but that won’t help much when MSU’s offense runs wild. This game will be over by halftime, leaving Iowa fans with nothing but their dreams of another thrilling 6-3 field goal-fest.

MSU 31  - Iowon’t 17

Oct 26 @ Michigan

Ah, the annual pilgrimage to Ann Arbor, where MSU will once again ruin Michigan’s season. After Harbaugh inevitably blames the refs, the fans, and maybe the air quality for the loss, Spartan fans will bask in the glow of another upset win.

MSU 28  - Michigan 27

Nov 2 vs Indiana

Indiana football: because someone had to fill out the Big Ten schedule. MSU will easily trample the Hoosiers, leaving Indiana fans wishing the game was as short as their team’s offensive drives.

MSU 28  - Boring State U 18

Nov 16 @ Illinois

Illinois football is about as threatening as a half-filled balloon. Expect MSU to rack up more points than Illinois has had wins in the last decade. By the end, Illinois fans will be Googling "how to build a time machine" to go back and stop this embarrassment.

MSU 24  - Also Boring State U 21

Nov 22 vs Purdue

Purdue might be good at building things, but MSU will show them how to tear things down. The Spartans will dismantle Purdue's defense like a poorly constructed Lego set, leaving the Boilermakers scrambling to keep up.

MSU 35  - Purdo’h 28

Nov 30 vs Rutgers

Rutgers, the Big Ten’s official punching bag, comes to town for the season finale. The only challenge MSU will face here is staying awake. Expect a blowout win, and Rutgers fans to start Googling "can I switch allegiances to basketball schools?" by halftime.

MSU 45  - What’s a Rutger 25

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